The 28th year was a roller coaster ride that I will never forget. Some of the good moments involved watching Hummingbird develop into a little big girl, completing set goals with my projects, and acceptance of reality, seeing things the way they are. The latter I am still working towards. During my 17th year I created this “master plan”, by year 25 I was supposed to have graduated college, purchase property , get married and have a family. I believed that I could make it happen, without any knowledge of how to execute.
Now that I am 29, I laugh at the 17th year Christina. Although it was an ambitious plan, I didn’t realize how limited my control was of these things happening in the order I wanted. My understanding of life has evolved, learning to go with the flow and not against it. Situations become difficult when you fight with the truth.
While it was a productive year creatively, emotionally I was drained and kept trying to figure out why things did not go as planned. The lesson I received from that is being able to let go of my fairytales. I understand there is a higher power that also has set forth a journey for me to fulfill. I am ready to embark on my spiritual journey, so I develop into my true self and understand my souls purpose. There’s a saying, “the flesh wants, what the flesh wants” it’s not always in your best interest. I am now focusing on my spiritual needs so that my heart can be revived to love unconditionally. I recognize how far I’ve come while knowing there’s still progress to be made.
In January I was able to visit Brazil for three weeks and returned to America with a deep appreciation of culture and family. Hummingbird met her great grandmother for the first time and we were introduced to a heap of family that accepted me without knowing the language. The beauty of the land and people are embedded in my memory and spirit. I can’t wait to return and be able to speak Portuguese!
Another really cool thing that happened was I had the opportunity to sit and hear The 14th Dali Lama speak on compassion and non-violence. I was so excited because I have read many quotes from his holiness and they have helped me to better understand life. He mentioned helping others, and how important communication is for every human being to have peace. He was very light hearted and laughed from the beginning to the end of his talk.
We make decisions and there are reactions that follow, good and not so good. Accept responsibility, forgive yourself and move forward. It sounds easy, so make it easy! (says to self) No everything is not how I thought it would be or necessarily the way I want it to be, what I can say is I am learning to adjust and create my own definition of what happiness truly is. Hummingbird has a phenomenal support system, and I am working on myself from the inside out so that she can witness my self- love and love herself the same.
I am thankful for another year to grow, laugh, cry and be. Thank you for your support. I will share my experiences in detail with pictures soon!
Christina S. Wherry